Building Self-Esteem: Why you should stop trying to be liked

Updated: Apr 18

Wanting to be liked is a natural human trait. Many of us want to feel connected and accepted by others. It's one of the reasons we like hanging out with friends so much or getting our asses kicked by love. We get our hearts broken and then we rush right into relationships again - and the vicious cycle continues. This doesn't make you stupid. This doesn't make you needy or weird. It's totally natural. However, when you start to dissect the layers and pay attention to your psychological behavior over a series of years - these habits can become unconscious and detrimental to your life. This can set you up for a major disaster. You don't want to be a serial people pleaser. Let's discuss.

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Why do people feel the need to be liked?


What we see in the human world is something also seen in the animal world since the beginning of time. It's known as the "herd mentality."Herds stick together because there is safety and security in numbers. We all try to find our herds in life. Being liked is about security in a sense but it's also about self-preservation. The more people like us the more secure we feel.


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5 big reasons people want to be liked by others


1) Acceptance

2) Security

3) Career and money

4) Sex & relationships

5) Egomania


From personal traits to professional traits and even money traits, there are various reasons we yearn to be liked. Sometimes we're aware of this, but most of the time we're not. Needing to be liked is a very emotional subconscious instinct ingrained within us from our ancestors. Learning how to be genuine and how to be sincere may seem weird, but sometimes we need to be more mindful.


Common signs of wanting to be liked


1) Get jealous easily

2) Downplay who you really are and what you like

3) Always look for reassurance

4) Talk about yourself too much


Why should we avoid being liked too much?

We should avoid trying to be liked too much for three main reasons:

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