Matt Jones
Updated: Aug 20, 2021
Do you feel the need to please everybody around you? Do you suffer with being yourself? Do you care too much about what other people think about you? Then, you might be a people pleaser. The people pleaser definition is an emotional need to please everybody around you. A people pleaser personality is not a happy one. This is known as people pleaser syndrome. It deeply affects your mental health, happiness, and productivity in life. Let's explore people pleasing and how to overcome it.
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The people pleaser definition is a person who has the emotional need to constantly please everyone else around them, even at the cost of personal anguish. People pleasers are generally nice people. However, people pleaser syndrome causes stress, anguish, unhappiness, anxiety, and can lead to a serious identity crisis. To have a people pleaser personality is to have one of submission and conflict avoidance.
1. People pleasers feel the need to agree with everyone. In an attempt not to hurt anyone's feelings, they will often silence themselves.
2. People pleasers will apologize a lot. If they're not blaming themselves, they always fear other people are blaming them.
3. People pleasers avoid conflict at all costs. They do not like anger. Anger equals conflict, and the danger of someone not liking you hurts a people pleaser personality alot.
4. They don't admit when somebody hurts or offends them. In an attempt to be liked, they would rather deal internally with issues rather than say them aloud. This inward journey rips apart their self esteem and self awareness.
5. They need praise to feel good. Rather than having self awareness of their own abilities, having confidence, they rely on others for external validation.
Looking at the list above. If you have any of those symptoms, chances are that you're a people pleaser. If you continually silence your inner voice, continually struggle to speak up, sit in confusion and pain alot, then these are major sings.
People pleaser syndrome creates a lot of frustration and anger. When that energy that wants to escape your body isn't allowed to get out, it causes mental strain and a negative physiological response. This is why people pleasers often get depressed. Will they tell others though? Absolutely not. They will suffer in silence.
Luckily there are ways to stop being a people pleaser. I've found these 3 methods the most effective.
1) Embrace imperfectionism - We all have flaws. The sooner we realize we aren't perfect, the more we can begin to forgive ourselves and relax.
2) Total Brutal Honesty - Being a people pleaser forces us to take make justifications and silence ourselves. We may need to start reevaluating who we are and what we value. Do we actually like that person? What annoys us? Honesty with ourselves, as well as those around us, will help to increase our self-worth, self-awareness, and self-respect.
3) Love Yourself More - When we truly love and value ourselves, we are better equipped to care less about what others think or say.
Matt Jones is a writer and entrepreneur with multiple businesses who loves inspiring others to reach their full potential. He is also a musician, educator, and world traveler whom has been to over 40 different countries on all 7 continents.
His personal mission is to create and inspire. He is from Los Angeles, but is now based in greater London.